Change, it is a comin.

So, anyone else feel like maybe they are over all this COVID-19 2020 craziness? Yeah me too. 

This year is three fourths of the way over and there's been nothing but weird. You would think with all the time we had on our hands, I would have found more time to blog for you three faithful followers. My bad. 
Perhaps I can redeem myself just a bit in the last quarter of this monumentally bizarre year of our lifetime.

This morning after the rush of getting the kids to school (yes, my kids are in school, well 2 of the 3 right now because as their parents we decided that was best for OUR children. You do you Boo!) 

I was watering my flowers. As I was giving them a good drink, I admired my summer flowers still lush and blooming next to my also lush and blooming mums, it hit me. 

You might be a summer person, you might be a fall person (here here!) but no matter what season you favor, I think we are all ready for CHANGE. 

Maybe you will grieve the cannon balls 
and playing at the river, 
camping, and bugs...

but it brings mosaic leaves, 

crisp cleansing temperatures, 

Hoodies and sweaters (Praise Jesus), 

pumpkin cold brew, 

cheering for CHIEFS football...

Today, in my quiet Kansas yard, I was handed that promise my soul needed to hear. It might not look the way we expected or feel the way we imagined.

But. There was a promise that change is on its way, and if you choose to see it, it is going to be beautiful.

Be Brave Together

I'm going to tell you about a few things I love.

I love that I have been given unexpected moments with my little kids.

I love that my little kids are so close they are often mistaken for twins.

I love that they are both passionate.

I love that they are funny.

A few things that have really pushed this momma to the edge through 50 days of social distancing...

SO MANY unexpected moments.

My kids are so close they fight...a lot.

They are both passionate about being the only right in every situation.

They are funny...and tease...and the other is rarely amused.

Lately my heart has hurt and I have often worried bout what I am doing so wrong that they don't show one another how much they love the other, that they support one another, that they can be built-in best friends that have each others backs till the end of time. (I know they are only 4 and 6) Just as I had the heaviness of this from a day of bickering, my youngest tripped up the front steps.

Blood curdling screams filled the air. A shrub curtained my view from what was happening. I take a deep breath, mid inhale, I hear the kind gentle words of a big brother and I freeze.

"I know, it hurts so bad. Yes, you do have a little bit of blood...it's ok, it's ok...it is a little bit scary but I'm going to help you, let me carry you to this chair."

"Mom, a little help here, my little sister fell and hurt her knee. There's some blood"

Tears flood down my cheeks.

I ran in, grabbed the fun bandaids and the "no sting owie foam" (thanks Mac) and headed out to my patient. Again, I pause before approaching the scene.

"I'm right here with you (patting her tiny leg with his tiny hand). Jesus made me your big brother so that I can help you be brave. We'll be brave together, ok?"

I'm nearly bawling, I can't get my phone out of my pocket fast enough to capture one millisecond of this perfect sweet moment.

He puts his little arm around her to help her walk awkwardly into the house and even let her pick a show to watch while they rest. 

I found myself drowning in gratitude. I was so grateful that my kids not only love one another but they can indeed show kindness and compassion. Not only that, but I was there to see and hear the tenderness of my son. It seems a little silly but I was so proud of him. I was so proud that at six years old he could be an excellent big brother. I always wanted a big brother like that. A best friend and protector.

On this day, my heart so needed to see these tiny humans show love...to one another. Did I want my little one to scrape her little knee...no, of course not, but I am so glad that she got to see how much her big brother loves her. 🥰

Dream a Dream

Last night I had the craziest dream. I'm not sure if it was crazy because of the random cameos or just the subject...

It seems my BFF, Chrissy Metz and I had come up with some sort of amazing something or other. A book, or app, or journal...no clue. I am a more behind the scenes kind of gal. So, she, being a famous face and all was promoting our thing-a-ma-jig. We had an appointment with one of our big investors and Chrissy insisted I sit in on it. 

We get to this fancy office building where a receptionist takes us to an adorable little waiting room complete with a barista. This batista whips me up the most magical Java beverage ever. Soon after we get told "she will see you now" and quickly trot through an office door, where we are asked to be seated in these voluptuous leather chairs. I felt like I was being swallowed hole. In walks this petite woman with the cutest voice. Hardly any make up. Brown shoulder length hair. She is cute as a button. She and Chrissy start chatting it up like they are old pals. Chrissy introduces me. And we are just so pleased to meet one another. We get half way through our little promo meeting and it dons on me, and I shout "DOLLY FREAKIN PARTON, you said this was Becky but this is DOLLY FREAKIN PARTON!!!"

Ya'll I was meeting with Dolly Parton and didn't even know it without her wig and makeup. I know this could not be real life! I could be blind as a bat and if Dolly Parton told me she was so glad to finally meet me...I would know it was Dolly.

So, Becky, err Dolly giggles her cute little giggle and says "Oh, honey, that's my stage name, my friends call me Becky!"

Chrissy. How dare you introduce me to Dolly without a heads up!

And then I woke up. Not sure what that was all about but I started my day just as confused as I was in the dream. 

Here's to tomorrow!

Let's Be Real.

Today, was a total bust...

and the best day we have had all week.

I woke up with a headache. 

After taking some ibuprofen and an allergy pill, I watched an episode of Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist.

I got up off my duff.

I made my kids breakfast...cereal actually...so I guess I cheated and dumped my kids breakfast in a bowl. I didn't actually "make" anything...but my coffee.

I went back to my bed.

I watched another episode. Pretty sure Zoey and I have the same superpower, only mine has gotten less embarrassing with age. Okay, maybe the only soundtrack I hear is my own, but basically...its the same.

My children played SO NICELY ALL MORNING. 

(insert angels singing Handel's Hallelujah Chorus here)

And I totally binged and drank coffee and my kids had screens here and there until lunch...late lunch.

After lunch, I did ONE (not 17) load of laundry.

Painted my toenails on the deck while my kids ran around yelling like banshees in the back yard...in their jammies.

I marcoed a couple friends...in my jammies.

I did not cook dinner. 

I did not attempt "school at home" other than a couple...nope...one fun little video.

But we had a good day. 

This day was VERY out of the norm for me. On a typical day, I feel like to earn my place at home with my kids, I have to work my tail off from sun up to sun down. My house has to look nice, my kids have to be learning, I have to have my shiz together. And today, I did not. The weight of this pandemic is heavy and I have tried to carry on as if I didn't notice. As if it isn't affecting me other than being homesick for my parents or missing those big hugs from my friends. This unknown is hard to carry. It pushes back against the shield of protection I try to tuck my kids behind. I have "social distanced" my kids for nearly 30 days. It makes my heart sad. 

This feeling of stuck...sucks. 

Today, well, I guess I took the time to wallow in it. Like a bump on a log in front of the tube half the day. And quite frankly, I feel pretty good about it.

Let's be real. 

I want to be an excellent momma during this time. I also want to be a wonderful teacher. I want my kids to start next school year ahead of the game. But sometimes, they just need to see you veg out and regain your mental strength to carry on.

Stay Safe and Carry on!

When Time Stands Still

Yesterday was Friday.

Day 21 of the Fab 5 social distancing efforts. 

There are 698 confirmed cases of the Corona Virus in Kansas so far today.

Government officials recommended that we wear cloth masks when going out in public to prevent sharing our germs with others in more crowded spaces such as the grocery store. There are various DIY patterns all over the interwebs. 

Now, enough of that.

Samantha and I put on our whole face of makeup

(including our new lip gloss that arrived in the mail) and put on real clothes, just to feel like our normal feminine selves for a bit. Full Face Friday...it might become a thing. Watch Out!

We have completed one full week of continued learning or "At Home School" as my kiddos call it, at La Casa (err Escuela) De Faber. Fortunately for me, my career when this all started was a Stay At Home Momma, which is not that different than my role as Quarantine Chaos Manager. I mean my duties still include Sibling Refereeing, Food Service Manager, Sanitation Crew, Event Coordinator ...but with fewer events and a little less Chauffeuring...and a ton of explaining over and over why we can't go to the park or the Habitat or why Beckett or Brock or Andersyn can't come over, or why we can't go to Target just to look or that I have no idea when "The Sickness" will be over.

WHEN WILL THE SICKNESS BE OVER!?! 

The last 22 days have looked like a 3 week weekend for the most part at our house. We bum around together, with some worksheets and online learning thrown in.

April is 4 days in. 

I don't know about you, but it feels like we have 729 days to go before we see May. 

When time stands still. 

No matter what your Enneagram type...this chapter we are living in, was unexpected, and out of our norm. None of us went into this with a plan.

If you are farloughed, or laid off, this chapter might be a super stressful time. If you like order, the chaos may have you on your knees. If you are still working, this chapter might be a terrifying nightmare. I don't want you to get the impression that I am all daises and rainbows. I know the struggles and my heart hurts for those who are facing COVID-19 from a more difficult place, and not knowing when this uneasy chapter will end or if the next one will be any better than the one we are living in now.

It is frightening.

From my seat in this Quarentine, I have to choose. Choose to see the good without seeking an understanding of why or for how long. My only job is to keep my family as safe and healthy as I am capable of. The way hasn't been paved by those before me. I'm just making up the rules as I go. Today I have to choose to soak up the moments when time stands still because how many people have never got this opportunity to reset? 

My son is six. You Momma's know how quickly that time flies and as much as I refuse to believe it...rumor is that he's not going to want to snuggle his momma forever. That he won't cry uncontrollably through Call Of The Wild because he is sad that Buck is losing his man.  He may not always tell me that I am "best momma ever" or laugh hysterically at the term "Brain Fart"...ok he might still laugh at that.

My point is, that despite all this chaos and scary uncontrollable circumstances, I am so grateful that life slowed down for just a bit so that I have the time to savor these snuggles and giggles and raw emotion instead of being caught up in what happens next on our agenda.

2020 is going to be one for the History books. We all know that we are living though a time that we never imagined. 

It is weird. 

No one knows what to do with it. 

But I hope that you can look back on these weeks as an opportunity you were given to experience life while time stood still.

When life gives you...Bananas

Man, life is super weird right now, is it not?

Today we started our first day of "at home school" as my kids call it. This is something that, before children, I actually had planned on tackling. In toddlerhood, I worked diligently to introduce colors and shapes, letters and counting, even handed over scissors to my little ones so that they could practice cutting. But ya'll...

THIS IS HARD!

Keeping everyone on a task so that we can explain to one child how to do their next "homework". One of my kiddos FLIES through each activity, begging for the next. One just wants to play babies. Wowzas.

As we pulled into the little drive thru line at my childs school today, my heart got so heavy. Heavy with all of the things that he is going to miss as a Kindergartner in the Spring. He had two more months with his amazing teacher, two more months of outside recess and sweaty hair with his friends. Two more months to learn to be kind to these friends no matter their differences or similarities. People it is SAD. I feel like each of my kiddos got cheated out of things that they were supposed to experience. Can they still learn kindness, and how to read, to speak spanish, and iron out those little speech wrinkles? OF COURSE THEY CAN! But I wanted them to do it the way I imagined for them. The reality of all of these changes, is that the ripples caused by COVID-19 are out of all of our control. It's what we do with them.

So, as we pull through this line, we can also get a "Grab and Go Lunch" that comes with a breakfast for the following morning. (Parents: DO THIS! It helps your schools and your grocery bill!) We are handed the three packets of grub (I have three kids) and a handful of....SIX bananas. My kids are some of the pickiest eaters you will ever encounter. Although all three of them like banana's they like them yellow, and perfect. NOT spotty or bruised. I know, some people's kids. These lunch/breakfast combo's came with hard boiled eggs. Two of the three will not touch them. There were also lots of excellent options like apples, carrots, Sunchips, OJ and Milk. (How fun is it to have tiny milks to drink at home?!) As I chop up the hard boiled eggs to make a super yummy tuna salad for the oldest and myself the bananas are haunting me.

We will never get through 6 somewhat mushy bananas. These bananas are far from perfect, but so are our circumstances. Then I had an idea. What is one of my most favorite things growing up? My momma's banana bread. It is unlike any others...truth be told it might be cake but if you call it bread, you can eat it for breakfast!

I mashed four of those six bananas, measured flour and sugar, soured some milk, dashed some salt and heavily sprinkled my cinnamon.
People, my home is filled with a sweet aroma of "Nana's Nana Bread" and it is filling our souls. It is band aiding the ache to see our loved ones.

A precious reminder that our circumstances may look messy and bruised or even dark and mushy but what we do with it can become such a treat. One that brings us sweet memories and can even heal our hurt hearts.

Be Warned

Ladies and Gentleman!

It has been ages since my fingers have found the keys to post on our little family blog.
Over a year in fact.

I am in no way a professional but I have found myself with many of thoughts wanting out. So, stay tuned (or don't) as we navigate our journey a little differently these next few months!

God Bless!