Desperation

There is a blog that I follow, From Blacktop to Dirt Road. After watching her latest post, I cannot stop thinking about the word Lauren chose for her 'Inspiring Word for 2018". Desperation. According to Google Dictionary:

des·per·a·tion

ˌdespəˈrāSH(ə)n/

noun

1. a state of despair, typically one that results in rash or extreme behavior.

Inspiring? In the beginning I felt this to be a bit of a stretch, I heard her reasoning and got where she was coming from. At the same time, I wasn't sure what all one can do with such a specific, lacking of encouragement and warm fuzzies type of a word. She talks about a story from the Bible of the woman who was so desperate to be healed (the woman had been bleeding for 12 years for goodness sake) that she reached out to touch Jesus' clothes and by faith was healed instantly. (You should check out her post yourself. She did an amazing job at telling the store in a way that this momma got it.) She was desperate to be healed. She sought after Jesus, through the crowds and masses with desperation.

So, this morning on neat little "On This Day" thingy on FB, this selfie popped up from nine years ago. I know that most of us are in a different place than we were nine years ago, I feel like a TOTALLY different person all together. I look rested and flirty and my nails were done. I probably put my make-up on every day and was hitting the gym like a boss. Nine years ago I was not a SAHM of three. I was not a wife, not a girlfriend. I had given up my career and moved home. I was lost and trying to find my place with DESPERATION motivating me. That was my first thought when this pic showed up..."God, I was so desperate to know Your Plan!" I think that it was about this time that I had finally decided that although I felt that I had been hardwired to be a wife and a mom, maybe it wasn't the plan that Christ had for me. With Jeremiah 29:11 on repeat in my mind (For I know the Plans I have for You...) and Trust Your Journey was my mantra...I tried to go with the flow and live in the moment. Oblivious to the fact that a handful of weeks later, I would reconnect with that tall boy from 5th grade, the man I was to marry.

The last 24 hours I hae been reflecting on this word. None of us wish to be in a state of despair. But what if I twist my perspective of that word a bit, like it seems this lovely lady has and use it to force an extreme behavior with Christ at the forefront? What will I look like as a Woman of God? How will it change me as a Wife? Will it be evident in the way I "mom"? Will it weave through my friendships?

As I think more and more about this seemingly less than inspiring word; desperation, I think that perhaps this other Momma may be onto something. I look forward to being in her back pocket as Christ leads her through 2018.